What Divorce Taught Me About Marriage -- the Seminar

Me, my wife, my wife's ex-husband and his current wife would like to invite you to attend a seminar on January 8, 9 on the topic:

What Divorce Taught
Me About Marriage

The seminar will be free (a love offering will be taken) and will be held at my church, Salem Baptist, Salem, NM. 7 - 9 on Friday Night, 9 - noon on Saturday. Alternatively, you might consider hosting a conference of your own.

Anyone who has ever experienced pain longs for God to redeem the pain--to bring good from the bad. We want to see God do His Romans 8.28 thing. I am no exception. My divorce 10 years ago was by far and away the most excruciatingly painful thing I have ever experienced. I was near suicidal. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Anything I could do to prevent divorce and help marriages would be an opportunity I would greatly relish. I have dreamed about this for years.

In an odd twist of events Missy's ex-husband has become one of my best friends. Up until recently he led a small group Bible study in our home. I know this sounds odd in a way, but, in another way, it is quite normal. He and I have a lot in common. We both are ministers. (He was a pastor in Louisiana before, by his own admission, he "went stupid.") I have had a few stupid moments of my own. And by the way, if you think you are fundamentally better, or not capable of such a thing, you are wrong. It can happen to you. We are all sinners capable of the worst of sins. We are not fundamentally better. Chris and I talk theology a lot. We talk church talk a lot, just as I would with any other pastor. I am the step-dad of his kids. We swap stories about that as well.

And, or course, we are in each other's lives a lot. When you have kids, it really is "till death do you part"--whether you like it or not. In the normal course of life I will see Chris three or four times a week dropping off kids or picking up kids. Over the years, these informal exchanges have gradually shifted. At first, it was a bit awkward, but gradually awkwardness has melted into friendship. And, it isn't anything particularly heroic on my part--I didn't have anything to forgive Chris of. He never hurt me.

What is probably more amazing is how Missy has forgiven Chris and Cindy. To be honest, she wished them bodily harm at first. But, gradually the grace of God has done its magical work. And Chris and Cindy both did their part in sincrely apologizing. That always makes things easier. Missy and Cindy have restored their friendship. Missy is the go-to baby sitter for their baby. Only God.

It was probably 2 years ago that the four of us began to brainstorm about the possibility of a seminar that looks like now will be a reality. We also brainstormed the idea of writing a book. We talked a lot about it, but couldn't quite figure out a way to make it work. Now, my church has opened the door for this dream to be a reality. Who knows what God has in store from here.

The purpose of this seminar is to prevent divorces and to help marriages. We have four main things we want to say, and plan to each take our turn at the mic talking about the topics below.

I am really grateful for Chris and Cindy be willing to partner with us in this. In a way, they have the more difficult (and interesting) story to tell. I know it will be painful for them. I also know it will be really helpful to those who listen. Here are the four topics we plan to cover:

Divorce is painful

I remember hearing about the death of friend not too long after my divorce. My gut instinct was the thought, "Lucky him." Divorce is just that painful. There are not too many ways God and me are alike, but here is one: we both hate divorce. 10 years later, I still hate divorce.

Divorce is possible

If anyone thought he would never divorce it was me. I am a missionary's kid and a pastor's kid and a minister and a Christian deeply committed to the permanence of marriage. It happened to me and it can happen to anyone. One of the best preventions to divorce is the humble appreciation of the idea that it can happen to me. In a way, a commitment to marriage can hurt the marriage because we it can lead to taking the marriage for granted.

Divorce is preventable

One of the main things we want to do in this seminar is to provide concrete, specific steps that any couple can take to greatly reduce the chances that divorce can happen to them. When we understand how painful it is, and that is is possible for us, we will be eager to hear what steps could have prevented our divorce.

Divorce is passing

As bad as divorce is, you can get over it. Maybe not completely over it, but most of the day-to-day sting is gone. God can help us with our pain. The God of all comfort can heal and restore and bring life where there was death. The relationship the four of us share is testimony of that. God is an expert at bringing life where there was death.

I'd like to ask your prayers as we step through this door God has opened.

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