Sue Johnson has written an excellent book on marriage called Hold Me Tight. It represents the latest scientific findings on marriage and relationships. The old school model suggested we need to be strong and independent—only then could we come together in a happy, loving relationships. I have heard people say, “If you can’t be happy single, you will never be happy married.”
The latest scientific research debunks this. It agrees with what the Bible says, “It is not good for man to be alone.” We really do need each other. We really do need relationship. We really do need someone to hold me tight.
In her book, Johnson describes what it feels like when we don’t have someone to hold us tight, when we don’t have anyone that really pays attention to us:
- “I needed him so much during that time, and he was just so distant. It was as if he didn’t care. My feelings didn’t matter to him. He just dismissed them.”
- “We are roommates. We never seem to be close anymore.”
- “I get mad, sure I do. He just doesn’t seem to care, so I smack him, sure I do. I’m just trying to get a response from him, any response.”
- “I am just not sure I matter to him. It’s like he doesn’t see me. I don’t know how to reach him.”
- “If I didn’t push and push we would never be close. It would never happen.”
Predictably, communicating the need to be close in this way rarely works. We will get into that later. For now, I invite you to let the emotions above simmer for a bit. Think about what the people in your life feel like when you ignore them. It hurts to be ignored. It hurts to be looked past. It hurts to feel invisible. Jesus never did it. Love like Jesus.
Josh Hunt, How to Get Along With Almost Anyone, 2014.